REVIEW: Bulletpoof Chicken

Script/Letters: Jon Westhoff
Art (1-8), 19) Bobgar Onnelas
Art (9-18, 20-29) Mat Nixon
Colors: David Halvorson
Review: Cody "Madman" Miller

I decided to do a review of a back issue this time 'round the prickly pear, at least that was my intention. The plan was to review quite possibly my favorite comic in the whole of my funny book horde, Undead Zombie Biker Chickens From Hell and Other Tales #1 . . . yes. It doesn’t have the greatest artwork or the greatest writing, but the little bundle of awesome is wrapped in my favorite cover of all time. It does indeed have an undead zombie biker chicken from Hell perched majestically atop his chopper complete with wheels o’ fire. Just picture the Ghost Rider but with a flaming chicken skull complete with that little red flappy thing that chickens have . . . it’s a gottdamn thing of beauty.

So anyway, I dug my ol' friend out of the short box that contains my most prized comics and that’s when I remembered I had purchased another chicken comic at a con a while back and hadn't gotten around to reading yet.
Poof! Enter Bulletproof Chicken.

Bulletproof and his partner are on the case of the Cluck Twins. BP doesn’t let people do bad shit in his city and live to talk about it. He’s been doing this for years. It’s just another day for the cock with a glock. Today would be different . . . sold.

This adventure starts with Bulletproof Chicken chicken-kicking his way through the wall of a restaurant while dropping a plethora of F-bombs. Shortly thereafter (one panel to be exact), BP and his partner Ed engage the evil lizard men behind the counter in a gun battle of epic proportions. Now, during this fight there is a guy in the background happily eating a chicken leg. At first I just thought this was meant to be some kind of corny ironic chicken nod. It turns out it kinda was because after all the Cluck Twin’s lizard lackeys are all dead, BP chicken-kicks a door in and there is Lisa, his hen, tied to a chair her left leg nothing but a bloody nub. That’s right, the Cluck Twin’s evil lizard lackeys fried it up and served it to the previously mentioned guy in the background. Kirkman, eat your heart out. That’s some demented shit.

Now enraged, BP puts on his mean face and chicken-kicks in another door (obviously his preferred method of dramatic entry) and faces off with one of the Cluck Twins. Bulletproof ends up blasting a cap in the evil doers face, but as it turns out Bulletproof isn’t so bulletproof and he is slain.

Fast forward 8 years into the future and Ed, BP’s old partner, is married with children to BP’s ex-wife (who now sports a robotic chicken leg). Ed gets a phone call from his old chief of police and is called in to inspect a crime scene. The scene is mass carnage with dead lizard dudes all hacked up and mutilated. Ed leaves the scene and shortly (2 panels to be exact) is busting in a room and there sits the Cluck Twin that was not shot 8 years earlier. As it turns out Ed and this Cluck Twin were in cahoots. The twin wanted his brother out of the picture and apparently Ed had a thing for BP’s wife. The two planned the whole attack 8 years earlier.
Bastards.

Shortly after Ed leaves (3 panels to be exact) he turns around and goes back in the Cluck’s office. He returns to find dead lizard lackeys and the evil Cluck Twin dead. The Cluck has a knife protruding from his forehead with a Business card from the restaurant where Bulletproof was killed. Ed rushes home but finds his hen and chicks murdered. With nothing to lose Ed heads to the aforementioned restaurant. Once inside Ed is confronted by the Cluck Twin who had been murdered 8 years prior in this very establishment. After the brief flash back ( 2.5 pages to be exact) explains that the Cluck had bionic part implants to cheat his way out of death. He explains how he also saved Bulletproof in the same manner. His plan was to control BP and make him do his bidding. Not long after this revelation (5 panels to be exact) as if on cue...BP crashes through the door again except this time he looks exactly like Robocop with a beak and robo-chicken legs. Then we are blessed with watching Robo-Bulletproof Chicken kill every living thing in the building (6 pages to be exact).
The End.

So, I confess, I was entertained. The story and characters were hilarious. I never take life to seriously. I will say the artwork could have been a bit more detailed. It was pretty bland in parts and came off as rushed and sloppy, but not to the point it hurt my eye holes. If given the chance I’d buy the 2nd issue in a heartbeat (7 heartbeats to be exact). Bulletproof Chicken now has a home in the mythical short box of awesome right next to Undead Zombie Biker Chickens From Hell. I guess I’ll need to make an official chicken section divider now . . . know what I mean Vern?